Monday, December 15, 2014

POSTAL ENTERTAINMENT

People don’t expect entertainment when shopping, mailing or checking the post office box. I’ve learned to expect a chuckle or two from my post office visits. My first really enjoyable visit to the main local post office was in the summer when I went to mail my youngest sister’s birthday present. I had wrapped it in bubble wrap, put it in a small box, then put it in a larger box which was marked Priority Mail, one having a set price to guarantee fast service. Good planning on my part, I thought. It was early morning on a Saturday in the summer when I drove to the US Post Office in our Midwestern town, parked my car in an available space and walked in to get in the line of about five people who were waiting to be beckoned to approach whichever window became free of other mail patrons that day. As I waited in line, I recognized the face of one of the officials manning the windows, an older man -- I say older but he was probably fifteen years my junior. It would be more accurate to say he was older than the other mail officials manning the windows. I heard the mail official tell the patron whom he was helping that he wasn’t supposed to be working that day but was called in to replace someone else who was probably fishing rather than working that day. He was not a really happy camper at being a substitute but he was handling it with humor, which infused an air of joviality into the hot summer day. When I approached his window, he said, “Well, young lady, what can the US Postal Service do for you today?” I replied that I wanted to mail the box to my sister for her birthday and had placed it in the Priority Mailing box which cost $14.95. He immediately became my adviser of good financial judgment. He told me that there were boxes adjacent to the counter in which I would find similar boxes which were not for priority mailing and one would, in fact, only cost me $4.95 to mail and the box would arrive two days later than the Priority Mail one I appreciated his help but I was concerned about the people behind me. I voiced my concern, telling him that I didn’t want to interfere with the flow of traffic in the line of patrons waiting to mail their packages. He immediately said in a loud voice, “Do any of you nice people object if I save this young lady ten bucks this morning? “ What could they say, they were at his mercy so they all said, “Of course not,” “Go ahead” and voiced other affirming phrases. Having their permission I took a couple of steps and obtained the box I was advised to bring back to the counter. I expected to be instructed to repack my gift in the approved box, but to my surprise the kind man ripped open my box, took the smaller box containing the gift out, emptied the packaging peanuts into the new box, and proceeded to repack the gift, all the time assuring the waiting patrons that he would be ready to help them in a few minutes after he saved me ten dollars. When he closed the box, before applying the wide shipping tape to my new inexpensive box, he said to me, ”What’s your sister like? Is she a good sister?” I replied that she’s younger than me and I felt like I had raised her, and we are very close. He added, “But is she a nice sister or is she bossy like my sister?” That hit a nerve since I had on occasion accused my sister of being a little bossy but most of the time she is kind and loving. I informed him of that truth. He said, “Well, my sister is so bossy she made my life miserable when we were growing up, so I’m going to finish preparing this box for mailing like I would a box for my bossy sister.” He proceeded to wrap the wide tape around, around, around and around. By this time he had all the waiting patrons laughing with glee. When he finished, he held the mummified box up in the air and everyone cheered. To which he said, “That ought to take her a while to get into that birthday present. She will love you for whatever is in there by the time she cuts through all that tape.” I was laughing out loud by this time, definitely not expecting to be entertained as well as being saved ten dollars at the Post Office. Now that Christmas is approaching, I usually mail my packages at the Postal Service satellite office at a drug store closer to my house. My last box to be mailed was not ready until Saturday morning, having had to work on the last gifts for grandsons the preceding night. Early the next morning I went to the downtown, main Postal Office to mail the box since the satellite one is not open on Saturdays. There were several people in front of me but the same comical official was working in addition to a young lady at another window. While waiting for my turn I was lucky enough to hear the comical official finishing up collecting the money and stamping the legal appearing box of a person. I heard him ask, “Is there anything else I can do for you today, sir?” The elderly patron said, “Can you estimate how long it will take for that box to get to its destination? The mail official answered, “I can’t tell you any estimate. It depends on what kind of monkey is driving the truck and how many times he stops to wet his whistle during the journey,” with a twinkle in his eye. He continued, “Sir, you should have been here yesterday. People were backed up out the door all day long. Nobody had an easy mail endeavor and we were overloaded all day. I could hardly walk when I left work because of never having a break in the unreasonable demands of the patrons.” Then he said, “And I rarely do this, but my good friend Jim Beam and I had a lonnnnggggggg conversation after I got home last night. I felt a lot better with his help until this morning when I realized I shouldn’t have had quite so long a conversation with Jim as I did. “ Of course the patiently waiting mail patrons and I laughed, which pleased the comical official immensely. When it came my turn, I had to go to the window of the young lady. I have to admit that I was disappointed to have such a dull time, only mailing a box instead of have my own personal comic who has a way to make the waits at the Postal Office endearing instead of taxing. After completing all the mailing tasks, the young female official gave me a long tape out of her machine and said that I might want to fill it out and rate the efficiency of the local Post Office. As I assured her that I would do it, I heard the comical, older official say, “All you people be sure and fill out the form. If you are pleased with the service, be sure and put my name down. If you’re not pleased with our service, put Bruce’s name down. There’s no Bruce here and that will confuse the heck out of the officials.” After I got home, I filled out the form. I gave the service of the Postal Service a C- because I mailed a Priority box the 15th of October loaded with Halloween decorations for my granddaughter. It arrived at her house three weeks after Halloween. That box went into storage for next year. Even though I gave them a C- for service, I wrote on the form that I gave them an A+ for entertainment since my experiences with my downtown Postal Office get my day started off in the mornings with laughs which affect my entire day. The twinkle in his eye tells it all, kind of like Santa Clause’s twinkle when he delights kids by telling them they will get everything they want for Christmas. He knows better than that, but it makes the kids happy. Whatever that comical official tells me makes me happy, whether the boxes arrive at the promised time or not. It’s all in the twinkle! Merry Christmas

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